current annoyances

As a college-educated 26-year-old, I often find myself in an almost constant struggle with negativity and religion. What does being college educated or 26 have to do with any of this? I’m not sure, but it sounds nice. Maybe those two things make me feel like I should have it figured out? The unfortunate truth is that I do not, in fact, have any of it figured out. 

A childhood with strong Catholicism influence (my uncle’s a priest after all) and my mother’s on and off again convenient bouts with Christianity left me, at the very least, confused. So today, when the lunch conversation shifted to the upcoming Noah movie, I became almost immediately enraged. I don’t understand the reason for such anger and that seems to feed something else entirely. Like the rude snot I am, I turned to my phone and browsed Twitter aimlessly, wondering how people could actually believe that there was an ark, a Noah, any of it, really.

As I tried to understand my rage, it turned into an entire mess of emotion and questions. Why are such huge concepts forced on children at such a young age? Like, I was taught the story of Noah’s ark as a young girl. Now, when I have enough sense to think for myself and call the bluff, I feel remorseful and full of guilt for questioning things in the first place. Would some say this is God at work? I’m not sure. One thing I do know is that Easter is this weekend, another time when I question huge stories from the scripture and listen to born-again, hypocritical family members praise God in one sentence and insult their wife in the next. 

Updates

I received a message about how one can learn to accept their body and, well, here I am! I’ve lost 50+ pounds since the beginning of the year. It hasn’t been easy, but I changed my entire lifestyle, the way I diet, how I think about food, and the ways I exercise. 

I realized I have no time for moderation. I simply cannot limit myself to one slice of pizza or a small piece of cake. So, as a vacation in Mexico loomed around the corner, I decided to cut out the things I love. This included all processed foods, pastas, breads, Starbucks lattes (can we have a moment of silence for those, though?), Skittles, gin and tonic, pizza… I’m getting depressed. The point is, by cutting them out entirely, I made room to get to know new lovers. At first, I ate a lot of bacon and cheese. Then I started to figure out I loved cramming as many vegetables onto a salad as possible. I realized I could go out and order a delicious burger sans bun and order a salad instead of fries. The first two weeks were terrible as my body adjusted, but after that brief time spent in hell, I felt like I could do anything. I incorporated hot, power yoga into my routine 3-4 days a week. I could barely do a bridge, let alone a back bend, couldn’t lower my forehead down in half pigeon… now I’ve accomplished all of those things. I started at a size 22 and now I’m wearing size 12 lulu bottoms and size 10 lulu tops. When I wear regular clothes, I’m around a 14/16. It hasn’t been a perfect journey, but I’m going to make it. 

Last few tips:

• You are not missing out on life because you’re not eating pizza and everyone else is.

• Don’t fall into the trap of getting obsessed with logging every morsel of food you eat. I did this the first few weeks and stopped after I recognized it was doing more harm than good.

• No one is looking at your ass during a yoga class.

• Measure yourself weekly. Do not weigh yourself at the beginning, do not keep a scale in your house. Go off of measurements and how your clothes fit.

• Buy new clothes that are two sizes too small and be amazed at how quickly you’ll fit into them.

• Find exercise you love, for me, that’s yoga.

• Buy cute workout clothes.

• Get rid of clothes that are too big immediately.

• Keep trying on clothes you never thought you’d fit into that are stuffed in the back of the closet, be amazed.

• Accept compliments.